Smacky the Monkey.  May he rest in peace...

What!  You've never heard of Smacky the Monkey?!  We can't have that:  Pull those Q-Tips out of your ears and listen to this happy tale with a grim ending...

Smacky was a happy little monkey.  He'd sit in someones hand and be content to take whatever abuse was heaped upon him by his owner or others.  Each night would sit on his master's desk and merrily wait to be slapped in the morning.  Yes, it was a joyful life for the little purple monkey!

One night, a burglar broke into the office and was about to steal poor Smacky.  He became so enraged that he grew to 100 times his normal volume and ate the burglar messily.  His master was overjoyed and posed with him in the vintage photo to the right.

Unfortunately, another new arrival spoiled all of Smacky's dreams.  A vile swine who pricked him incessantly with a procupine quill, causing poor Smacky to leak vital fluids and shrink.  One day, before he lost all of his strength, Smacky took revenge.  He watched in satisfaction as his tormeter perished.  But the plot soured as all of the tiny animals in the office contracted the same hideous disease and died.

Bummer.