Flame #1
To: ObiWan
From: DarkPurist

************************ (Translated: That is not possible!) 

Thanks,
DarkPurist

Flame #2
To: DarkPurist
From: ObiWan

How DARE you send me an encoded message!!! I will spit upon your filthy excuse for a code! Try rail-fence or something! Sheesh! 

And now for your punishment.... 

My dead granny can write better smack than this! You are not worthy to lick the gravel from in between the treads on my tires after I have driven the car through a hog-rending plant's factory floor! Try not to ooze any of that slime on me! 

******************************* (Translated: The tradition of flaming goes on...) 

With All Due Respect (meaning none whatsoever), 
ObiWan

Flame #3
To: ObiWan
From: DarkPurist

HOW DARE YOU!!!!

Your insolence will not be tolerated! I wish death upon thee! The kind of death that can only be found by driving a speeding demolition truck through a nitro-glycerine plant at 110 mph! Or by being beaten by your own dismembered, limp-wristed right arm! You will cease your laughable attempts at smack or I will feed you your own heart with the business end of a llama bung-dropper!

FOOL!

Thanks,
DarkPurist

Flame #4
To: DarkPurist
From: ObiWan

I tire from the endless buzzing emanating from harmless little insects... Perhaps I shall swat this one?

Oh, yes, I shall!

A bloated dead bovine is better at mocking others than you are! Your skills are weak compared to a True Jedi of the Smack Arts! Weep! For your hour has come and OBIWAN draws nigh!

Drooling is not an Olympic sport and, no, I don't think that you would qualify as a secondary water source for those dying of thirst in the desert - I'm sure that they would rather die.

You use 10-year-old septic piping to drink your morning swill through! You're habits of hygiene would revolt a leprous baboon with a club foot! Dentists scream and run for their lives when they see the hideous grimace you tend to call a grin.

Women hide their children at your approach! Vampires and other nighttime monsters tremble at the thought of meeting you for fear that their bowels with release upon viewing your ghastly appearance! Mirrors crack with frightful regularity in your proximity!

You can not pay carnies, transients, or street-walkers to be your friends because they fear it will ruin their reputations! The things that come from the fleshy gash on your face more clearly resembles the dying gargle of a beheaded chicken than human speech!

You are a son-of-a-monkey's butt!

I will hear your cries for clemency now...
ObiWan

Flame #5
To: ObiWan
From: DarkPurist

HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS THE DARKPURIST IN SUCH A MANNER, INSOLENT KNAVE!

Wretch! SPECK! IT MATTERS NOT! YOUR FUTURE IS MARKED! IN THE END YOU WILL SUFFER! SUUUUUFFFFFFEEEEERRRRRR! Your asinine attempts at smack are comparable to a legless man trying to win a butt-kicking contest! Your comical efforts are wasted on the Darkpurist! In fact, you are commanded to cease your futile efforts, as your breath reeks of fetid goat-cheese!

You are nothing in the glorious presence of the Darkpurist! You are lesser than a festering, fecal boil on a baboon's hind-quarters! You are the detestable ingrown hair on the face of hideousness itself! Your repugnant presence makes widows weep and small children wail! Even the mighty Darkpurist winces at your repulsive, disgusting macabre! BOW, CHILD OF ROT! BOW BEFORE ME, FOR I AM YOUR MASTER! YOUR PUTRID EXISTENCE HAS BEEN TOLERATED LONG ENOUGH! YOUR TAINT SHALL BE CLEANSED! HEREFORTH YOU SHALL EXPERIENCE AN ETERNITY OF CONSUMING AN UN-ENDING FLOW OF RAW, UNTREATED SWILL! I CURSE THEE! I SPIT AT THEE! YOU SHALL SPEAK MY NAME, KNOW THAT I AM YOUR MASTER, AND IT SHALL BE SO!  

Thanks,
DarkPurist

Flame #6
To: DarkPurist
From: ObiWan

Friend DarkPurist,

It pains me to see that your mental functions have deteriorated so. You are hallucinating very badly indeed... To think that you (of all persons!) should imagine yourself to be some kind of 'lord' or 'master'? Well, if you had only mastered the tasks of eating without using your feet and refraining from frolicking in cow manure, then perhaps I would consider your case.

To imagine that your intellect could droop even further than it's subterranean depths is shocking indeed. You have gone beyond zero and entered negative territory - the media needs to be alerted. I can see the headlines now: "STUPIDEST MAN EVER!" "DOES IT THINK?" "MAN-SHAPED LUMP OF PLAY-DOH SPEAKS & MOVES!" Yes, it will be a media feeding-frenzy...

Pondering such a sad case,
ObiWan

Flame #7
To: ObiWan
From: DarkPurist

FEVERISH WHELP! YOU'RE INSOLENCE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Amusing, that one of such a fathomless mental deficiencies as yourself would DARE attack the limitless omniscience of the Darkpurist! Shouldn't you be tucked away in your padded room, making incomprehensible gurgling noises and drool-angels in pools of your own slobber? You are nothing! You are a brainless, imecelic, mud-skipping hunk of worthless flesh! You are a slimy, revolting lung-fish! The only self-biographical headlines you will be seeing are: "PRIMORDIAL PHENOMENON AMAZES OBSERVERS WITH APPARENT LACK OF NEUROLOGICAL ABILITIES!" "HOW DOES IT FUNCTION?" "SECRETS OF BASIC MOTOR FUNCTION AND BOWEL CONTROL ELUDE THIS PRIMITIVE CREATURE!"

Media feeding frenzy, indeed! 

Thanks,
DarkPurist